Process & Purpose Pt. 4: New Year, New Intentions

At the start of a New Year, we tend to think of and create new intentions for ourselves - our New Year’s Resolutions - but have you ever thought about whether these intentions are aligned to who you are and who you want to be? Have you noticed how they rarely stick? How you can’t expect long-term growth or change when every year, your intentions change?

This thought made me rethink my purpose and intentions for my life - a thought that resulted in a change of approach to new years and New Year’s Resolutions. So what’s the change? It’s simple, I don’t do them.

Why?

My New Years Resolutions weren’t completely aligned to who I am and who I wanted to be and they didn’t stick nor result in true growth or change. Instead, for the past 7 years, I have been working toward a specific lifestyle that’s grounded in purpose, my purpose. This is what I value above all else, what I care about - living a meaningful and balanced life.

I want to have it all without feeling stressed or scattered: I want to work hard for my job while also being present for my family. I want to be a consistent, balanced, and reliable presence who is calm, confident, and composed, empowering kids to overcome struggle and become advocates and agents of change. I want to spend quality time with my family and not miss a beat, a walk, a cuddle, an award, an event, a show, etc. And I want to have time for myself - to workout, craft, create, read, meditate, journal, etc. This is the life I want, the life I choose every day. So this has become my focus - achieving balance so that I have time for everything and everyone I love. It has been quite the journey - one with successes, struggles, adjustments, flexibility, consistency, and discipline, one that I work toward every day. This is how:

Step 1: I started by defining myself, my identity, and my values: who am I? who do I want to be for others? what do I value/believe? what do I want out of this life? if I died tomorrow, would I be happy with the life I led? This last one is a bit morbid and still very real. For more on using your identity to define your purpose, read Process & Purpose Part 2: Staying true to you

Step 2: Then, I define the lifestyle I want: What is it? What do I want out of life? What do I hope to achieve? What will it look like/feel like for me?

Note: As you learn about yourself; practice different versions of the lifestyle you want; and reflect on your practice, you’ll start to revise and redefine what they mean for you - this is a great thing! Do not, I repeat do not start this process by spending hours on your definitions - they won’t be perfect the first time. This is part of the process. Show yourself some grace and allow yourself the time and space for revision and change. Allowing this growth and self-evolution is what’ll help you live with greater purpose, work toward achieving the lifestyle you want, and become the best version of yourself. So learn to love this process because there are no quick fixes for anything meaning in life.

Step 3: Define your purpose: Why is this something I want for myself? Why is this important to you? How will this lifestyle improve your quality of life? Why should you make time for these changes in your life? How will this lifestyle give you greater meaning? This step is what will ground you and remind you on those tough days to keep going even when it gets hard.

Step 4: Now that you’ve defined the key elements that will drive your success, define success - visualize what it will look like for you to achieve your version of your ideal lifestyle. Defining your success is key because, again, success is different for all of us. This allows you to take ownership of your practice.

Step 5: Create your action steps - what will you do to achieve your version of success?

Step 6: Develop a plan to monitor your progress - this could be creating a bullet journal spread; asking yourself at the end of the day/week/month: how did I do? what did I learn about myself, my needs, what I want? what did I achieve? what did I struggle with? how did my actions contribute to my purpose, my lifestyle, who I am, who I want to be for others, etc.? how can I adjust/revise to better meet my needs?; or having a buddy to hold you accountable and check in with on a weekly basis. This step is key to your success and you need to make this something that works for you. Otherwise, you will never know if you achieved your goals and you might feel like a failure for not - and who knows, you’ll probably surprise yourself with how much you actually accomplished.

Step 7: Go back through the steps, once a quarter, semester, year. This will allow you to analyze your successes and struggles and continue to revise and redefine the lifestyle you want. It is human nature to grow, adjust, and need something different at different stages and chapters of our lives and it’s up to us to listen to ourselves , be kind to ourselves, show ourselves grace, and, ultimately, hold ourselves accountable to what we want out of life.